Pumpkin Patch.

Oh, Life.

Today I quit college.

For the second time.

Now hold on..before you go rolling your eyes and calling me a quitter...let me please explain first:

I've been absolutely consumed with stress over the past few months about what on earth I'm going to do with my life, and once i do decide, how I will possibly have the money to do that...where I will live, where the money to support myself will come from, if i should look for a job that will pay me a larger amount of money so i can do such things...yadi yadi yada. Basically a bunch of tough life decisions have been consuming my every thought and weighing me down mentally and physically. After so many prayers, and asking for prayer I think God has shown me my next step. I'm currently living with my best friends family and I can't tell you how thankful I am for it, most people wouldn't just open their home and to find a family that did no questions asked is a true blessing. But no matter how welcome I am, I just feel like in order for me to really start my own life I need to work on saving enough money to find a true home for myself.Whether it be an apartment with my sister or a friend, I need a place I can finally drop my anchor and truly feel at home. And once I am financially able to do that I feel like it will be so much easier to completely focus on my next step in life scholastically. I have every intention of going back to school but I feel so heavily in my heart I need to conquer this first. I've spent too much time feeling disheveled and left behind and I'm done with that. The truth is I chose to stay here and no matter how lonely it feels it was still my choice. So i need to get moving and start creating my life. One thing at a time, just like my dad said. I'm so thankful that God has finally given me some sort of direction. I'm learning to really trust him lately.
He is so good. And he is for me. And there is a plan for my life. And it is GOOD.




(behold the face of a happy [temporary] college drop out)

Sigh.

Missing my home today.

(and every other day, for that matter)

Missing my room.
Missing my family.
Missing my dog.
Missing having mom around to talk to when I need mom advice.
Or to laugh with about my weird life.
Or for a hug.
I miss watching real housewives with her and her constant comments on how dumb they all are.
Missing mom period.
Missing my dad.
Missing seeing him at the other side of the dinner table.
I miss how he always greeted me with "Hey Nic ".
I love his voicemails cause he always starts out with "Hey nic, it's dad".
Makes me miss when that used to happen in person.
I miss dinner time.
I miss when all six of us were at the dinner table.
I miss dinner foods.
Missing hearing something going on in the back yard cause mom and dad were ALWAYS planting SOMETHING.
Missing my brother and his crazy friends always being obnoxiously loud running around everywhere.
Missing my brother.
He is most like me. We just kinda get each other.
Now he has a girlfriend and i'm missing out on seeing that.
Missing using brittanys old room to paint in whenever I want.
I miss brittany. So much. She's like my heart and soul.
Im so glad I have Marissa here. Don't know what I'd do if she was gone too.
I miss painting.
I miss having money to buy paint supplies.
I miss having money to buy clothes.
I miss buying clothes.
I miss walking into my house at 3am trying to not wake up my parents but without fail the front door would squeak every time.
I miss how my mom decorated the house for the holidays.
I miss having to beg my dad to PLEASE put up the christmas lights this year.
I miss the holidays with family.
Don't really know how Im gonna do Thanksgiving this year.
I miss feeling comfortable.
I miss feeling like i actually belong somewhere other than my car.
I miss feeling I had some sort of place in the world.
I just miss everything.