2.05.2010
Thank you.
Two words used to show an honest appreciation people have for one another.
Two words that create, I believe, one of the most powerful expressions in the entire English language.
Two words that are honestly not used enough.
I strive to give. In fact, I thrive on giving. As cheesy as it sounds, I want to know that when my day ends I did at least one thing make someone's life just a little bit easier. It is the honest desire of my heart that the people in my life know how much I care about them. The last thing I want is to become that person that gives simply for show or to be noticed. But with this relentless desire to give I find myself too often giving more than I receive. I find myself drained over something so silly like no one even noticing the fact that I busted my butt at work getting a ton of chores done so the night crew can have a smooth and easy close. I get drained over constantly being there for a friend, but when I need them they aren't there for me.
I hate to say it, but giving gets really hard when no one is giving back.
I found myself so torn the other day because I got so drained I started questioning why on earth I give in the first place. Why on earth do I help these people who seem too freaking blind to notice all that I have done for them?
So I took all my questions to the only man who has all the answers. I started to pray. I said "God why can't people just notice the things I do? Why cant someone just appreciate me for once?! Why can't people just say thank you?! God I am so pissed off right now why is it that no one even notices all i've done for them?!"
At that moment it really hit me. I realized who i was talking to. I was talking to God. GOD. The man who gave the ultimate gift, his LIFE for every human being on the planet. He gave his life knowing that out of the billions of people he did that for, only a minuscule amount would say, "thank you god, for dying so i could live". And with that knowledge he gave it anyway. And here I am thinking I'm Mother Teresa, pissed off because I did a couple of extra chores and no one said thank you.
When's the last time I said thank you?
When's the last time I noticed God working in my life and thanked him for it?
When's the last time I thanked God for answering a prayer.
You know what? I'm just as bad as everyone else. It's sad how easily I can forget that we are ALL human. That I am no better than you, and you are no better I.
I realized that i need to stop worrying about getting a reaction, and start remembering why I am giving in the first place.
I want to help and give because honestly it's all I have.
I want to give because it's how I show you that I care.
The last thing I ever want to become is a person who only gives to receive.
Because I don't say it enough to you God: Thank you for loving me.
You are the one who deserves appreciation the most, not me.
LoveLoveLove,
Nic.